Part of my learning experience is that no matter how much exercise you do, you can’t overcome bad eating habits with more treadmill. As a good German girl, it was very hard to start distancing myself from food habits that were, let’s face it, extremely unhealthy. You need only look at my family medical history: open heart surgery for most males on my dad’s side, obesity, heart disease, diabetes, cancer.

So when I say that my genes don’t need any help in trying to kill me off, I’m not exaggerating. And I grew up eating red meat, potatoes, high starch foods, fried foods, and the desserts. It’s not that those things are horrible in and of themselves, but it wasn’t until I hit my teens that I started paying more attention to what went in my face. Do I blame my folks? No. They just carried on the habits that were handed down by their parents, and to be fair to my mom she tried force-feeding us veggies. But we didn’t really have a high variety on the menu.

Despite all that, she cooked from scratch and tried to stay away from too many pre-packaged foods. I got into bike racing and did that several times a week. So I exercised as well. But my weight was still heavy-ish. I was never one of the hot/skinny girls in high school, and I certainly never felt like showing off skin. Which is not to say that I was enormously obese. But I always seemed to ride the line between overweight and obese. And that doesn’t do much for one’s self confidence.

After boot camp I rode the 150s line. It wasn’t until I got enormously sick with my daughter that I hit an all time low of the 130s. Not a route I recommend as I couldn’t even keep water down for 6 months. That sort of weight loss is UNHEALTHY. So don’t do it. I certainly never intended to. But I looked awesome.

So then the question became, how to get back to that weight safely? Because once I was healthy again and had my daughter the weight came back with a vengeance. And it wasn’t that I got out of control eating, because I worked hard at watching my intake¹ It was a mixture of genetics and a body that had been literally starved for months on end.

I yo-yo’d for years. I tried diet pills that Oprah raved about². I tried glycemic index diets³, Atkins⁴, and others. At one point I got down to the high 160s. I wasn’t thrilled, but I was happier than I had been in a long time. Between extreme stresses from things happening in my life, to struggles to make ends meet, to constant sources of worry my weight slowly started piling on again. Add to all that the anti-depression meds, and my weight gain spiked.

Fast forward and I had hit an all time high of 196. I was scared and embarrassed. I couldn’t stand for people to take pictures of me [still don’t like it but I’m getting more ok with it]. I constantly told myself that it was ok because this was a genetics thing and I was trying to be good with my food intake. But the truth was that despite all that stuff, I was not taking care of myself.

Skinny folk talk about it all the time saying that overweight types just don’t care. But the truth is, they do. The problem is that if you have grown up with this issue, you start defensively making barriers for yourself to protect both emotionally and mentally. You have to, because skinny types are mean. And I felt that even though I never hit ginormous obese. Society as a whole has become a terribly unkind place to people with true struggles with weight. And that sort of atmosphere does not engender the sort of helpful path that is truly needed to overcome such issues.

It took a real determination to make sure that my daughter had a good role model to help me realize the barriers I’d put up. I’d ranted at myself before. I’d sworn off certain foods before. I’d even found helpful tools like SparkPeople.com⁵ and great friends who would encourage me in my fitness journey. And yet, despite all that I saw my weight continue to fluctuate. I am proud to say I never went over 198, but it was a close thing.

At some point things clicked. I was tired of not feeling happy. I was tired of watching my daughter run around and being unable to run around with her. More over I was approaching 30 and had never felt *hot*. I was tired of knowing that despite my best efforts (as I knew how at the time), I was still becoming a statistic. And there really is no low quite like that. You feel helpless. You feel like the world will always look at you with pity or disgust. And you feel like there is absolutely nothing that will get you out of that place. You’ve tried it all and still nothing.

That was a hard place to come out of. I began trying to reinforce positives to myself. I looked over what I had done in the past and tried to find a course that would give me hope. So I started small. I began tracking my food and saw that what I had thought was healthy was in fact way over in portion size and caloric intake. At first I made the mistakes a lot of new people do. I had tried to change too much, too fast. I cut this, I cut that. But my first real useful step was putting the soda down and switching almost solely to water.

Water is a beautiful thing. Without it we can’t live. Period. But if you are drinking enough for you, your energy picks up and you feel happier. My problem with water at the beginning was that I couldn’t even finish a .5L bottle. That’s a little over 2 cups of water. I felt like I was bloating and drowning. So start small. Drink as much as you feel comfortable doing. And make sure you cut your other options. Ditch soda. Or think of it like a 12 step program. Whatever amount of sweetened drinks, including teas⁶, you drink now…drink half as much today. Drink water the rest of the time. Once that no longer seems a struggle, cut it in half again. I read a study that said switching to water can let some people lose up to 18 pounds a year. That’s no joke when it’s 10% or more of your body weight.

Then I added exercise. But the thing is..I hated exercise. So I began looking for things that held my interest. I started with Tae-bo because I’d seen good results with that before. But honestly, it felt so grueling and so hard that I knew I couldn’t keep it up for long. So I did it but kept an eye out for something else. I found Zoomba. Zoomba is cool and fun, but I was still looking for things I could do in the house.

I hated exercising in public. I was embarrassed and who really wants to sweat in front of other people? But the fact that I have always fought depression and was stuck in a dark house began clicking for me too. So I began finding ways to go out and fight the agoraphobic reaction I sometimes had. So I made it a daily practice to walk to my daughter’s school and pick her up. We got family time walking home, plus the exercise aspect. It was a real win. And then the pool opened.

At first we would go and play and I’d swim a little. Slowly as I built up better endurance I began doing laps. Near the end of the summer I was up to 10 laps [1 lap being a round trip of the Olympic size pool] in under 25 minutes. I had dropped 15 pounds and was starting to see muscle definition. I was down a full pants size. And the best part was that the weight was staying off. That was a real first in and of itself.

Then I started really watching my calories. Now I eat a bagel or English muffin for breakfast. Sometimes an Activia Yogurt instead. Lunch usually is a small thing of crackers, cheese, and meat. Or a bit of leftovers. And dinner is a Lean Cuisine.

I do still cook sometimes, but for me this works. I come in under my caloric count for the day, so hitting a snack⁷ now and again stays where it is safe. Every once in a while we hit the local Chinese buffet, and I can eat there without guilt. I do try to stay away from the fried foods, though the peanut chicken is my nemesis. I do love it so.

But I try to eat a lot of the broccoli. I stay away from beef on most occasions, going with the more heart healthy poultry dishes. I have ramped up my fish intake to at least once a week, and I am eating non dairy yogurts. And a great thing that I added was gum. I chew gum now whenever I get the hankering for something sweet. The sweet coating on the gum helps with the craving and the strong mint helps with my appetite.

Here are some great foods that I love:

• http://www.fitsugar.com/Food-Review-So-Delicious-Coconut-Milk-Yogurt-2916122 I do not eat this all the time. But it is a delicious alternative as a dessert.
• http://www.piratesbooty.com/products/piratesbooty/agedwhitecheddar This is an AWESOME snack and you’d have to eat almost 25% of the bag to hit 140 calories.
• http://www.smartbalance.com/products/buttery-spreads I love this as a butter alternative. I have almost completely cut butter out.
• Jumbo Pack^™ Dentyne^® Ice Peppermint -  Great size for the chain chewer and my preferred flavor.

I then started hitting the gym in the mornings after I drop my daughter off from school. I talked a friend into coming as well and that has helped keep me motivated. I’m down into the Goal jeans. If you don’t know what goal jeans are, let me explain.

I picked out a cute pair of cargo pants that were a size and half smaller than the rest of my clothes. And for almost 6 months I saw them in my closet. Every time I got down, I’d put them on and see how much closer I was to actually getting into them. BrandG probably got tired of seeing them just sit there. But to me they were motivation.

And last week. I wore them out of the house. After so much time trying to get there, that day was a truly awesome moment for me. Those pants represent 6 months of hard work, self control, and an ability to look at myself and despite my critical personality say “I did this.” Call it small. But for me it is a huge thing. It is a sign of good things to come.

Now I’m at the gym every morning. And I’ve got a new set of Goal jeans⁸. These aren’t quite such a huge step away, but it’s a goal that won’t take me 6 months to hit. And when I’m done with them, I’ll find something else.

So there’s my story. My shames and my triumphs. You are welcome to come along and take heart from my journey. If you are like I was or am, and just need that little extra helping hand, please write. It took me 20 years to get to where I am, but I didn’t give up. And neither should you.

1. Though to be fair I did not have the knowledge I do now, nor the self-control. So my diet still wasn’t great, per say.
2. They made me lose 12 pounds but I was sick on them a lot
3. The foods you had to eat were expensive and I just couldn’t afford it
4. As a borderline hypo-glycemic this diet wrecked me.
5. Which I highly recommend as a great place to start your fitness journey.
6. Most of the health teas I had picked up had more sugar in them than my Dr. Peppers did. Shock. Horror.
7. My favorite being Pirate Booty
8. Found them on sale for $6 so I’m not an expensive clothes horse

Amazon stats: 4.5/5 Stars based on 82 Customer Reviews

Synopsis:

The life, love, and memories of award winning singer and actress Kristin Chenoweth.

Author:

I am a huge fan of Wicked. I love everything about it: the pageantry, the songs, and the feeling I am left with at the end of “Defying Gravity”. Because of Wicked, I discovered the wonderful Kristin Chenoweth who has also starred off-Broadway in shows like Pushing Daisies, West Wing, and now Glee.

A Little Bit Wicked was co-written with Joni Rodgers, the talent behind Lance Armstrong’s memoir No Mountain High Enough.

Review:

The book is funny and fast paced, pulling you along with Kristin as she recounts her earliest memories of singing and continues on to her successful (if not-exactly-as-she-pictured) career of show biz.

I think the thing that struck me most about this book was her very down-to-earth personality. She is very much who she portrays herself to be. As rare as that is in Hollywood that is even more rare in life. One thing that sets Kristin apart is that she actively works to maintain a positive disposition, something that is extremely difficult for me in particular.

Kristin has overcome many difficulties and fights a chronic condition which makes her extremely dizzy and nauseous all the time. Despite it all, she has a personality which leaves those around her feeling better. It is definitely an uplifting read.

There are also many humorous moments to be found as Kristin recounts her misadventures. Like the cookies that kill, the ability to predict weather with her butt, and how she managed to tick off her gay and Christian fan base all by going on the 700 Club to promote a CD.

Typically I avoid memoirs, but this was a must read for me because of my growing admiration for a woman who truly knows how to be the “Talent” while maintaining a down-to-earth hold on reality.

One of my favorite quotes from the book was from chapter 15:

“Look, I screwed up Studio 60 nine ways from Sunday,” [Aaron Sorkin] told her. “I made storytelling mistakes. I wrote angry. And anger is good fuel for the tank when you’re writing, but not over the course of twenty-two episodes.”

It occurred to me that the same is true of life in general. At times you have to get your Harriet up, but it’s corrosive to be constantly embattled. Life requires peace. Peace requires balance. And balance requires a certain amount of get-over-yourself.

As someone who has had a lot of reasons lately to be extremely angry not to mention a past that leaves me shaking with rage at times, there have been many moments where I just want to write off the world. So that quote really struck me as something that I’ve been dealing with for a long, long time.

And I guess it’s nice to know that people like Aaron Sorkin and Kristen Chenoweth still are human and have to learn life lessons too.

Summary:

I would definitely recommend this book, and I know for a fact that Brandg is already reading it. While it’s not a life-changing read it is a great romp and has some down-home wisdom that can make you laugh and think at the same time.

Final Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Rated: PG-13 [See Full Rating]

Runtime: 1 hr. 57 min.

Genre: Action & Adventure, Comedy

Theatrical Release: Jun 11, 2010 Wide

Box Office: $76.8M

Synopsis: A group of Iraq War veterans looks to clear their name with the U.S. military, who suspect the four men of committing a crime for which they were… [More]

Starring: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, Jessica Biel

Director: Joe Carnahan

This post is a review and may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

This is the first in a lengthy series of movie reviews that are well over due. Over the summer several major blockbusters came out and I made it my goal to try and pinch pennies to see them all. Some were worth the effort and some…well you’ll find out when you get to them.

The “A-Team” was everything you would expect from a movie based off of an 80-s show about blowing things up and beating people down. Need I say more?

Many critics were thrilled with this film for sticking so well to the original theme of the show and just as many critics were panning this film for being such a fluff bit with major explosions. I am here to tell you it was definitely what they said.

Having grown up in the 90s in a very sheltered home, I can honestly say I never watched the cultural phenomena of the “A-Team”, so I saw it through very different eyes than Brandg. He had all the background of watching this show in his youth and the culture that surrounded it. I saw it in reruns. A couple of times. If.

The movie was full of wonderful special effects with plenty of booms and fire balls for everyone. Blood quotient was fairly low so don’t go if you only watch “get the blood truck out” movies.

Liam Neeson did a wonderful job and the other actors played their characters equally well. Of course this all comes back to the fact that the characters seem very flat and the laugh lines are pretty smarmy/hammy at best. But then it’s all part of the wonder that was the A-Team.

And really, what more can you say about it? Oh yeah. “I love it when a plan comes together.”

Final Rating: 4 out of 5 thumbs up. It was fun and I’d probably let the EP watch it when she gets older. Would I go see it in theater again? Not on your life.

This post is a review and may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.
RottenTomatoes Rating: 8%
Rated: PG [See Full Rating]
Runtime: 1 hr. 43 min.
Genre: Action & Adventure, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Kids & Family
Theatrical Release: Jul 1, 2010 Wide

Starring: Jackson Rathbone, Cliff Curtis, Dev Patel, Nicola Peltz, Noah Ringer, Shaun Toub
Director: M. Night Shyamalan
Screenwriter: M. Night Shyamalan
Studio: Paramount Pictures

Synopsis:

Avatar: the Last Airbender is based on “Avatar: The Last Airbender” (2005), a Nickelodeon show that ran from 2005 to 2008.

The show synopsis is that Aang, the young man who is the next in a long line of Avatars, is forced to grow up quickly and learn all the elemental powers [air, water, earth, and fire] in order to defeat the power-hungry Fire Lord Ozai. He starts off on this path 100 years late and faces it all with the help of the two Water-tribe children who originally found and released him from the ice: Katara and Sokka.

Review:

The movie is the next in a long line of “might-have-beens” that come out of M. Night. Syamalan’s [MNS] stable of attempts. There. That is the simple version. If that is enough for you, I’ll spare you what is coming. If you are made of sterner stuff, or a hard core fan of the Nickelodeon show as I am, you might want to put on the body armor.

Ok. You’ve been warned. Here we go.

Unlike so many wonderful remakes¹ [Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings, based on the Tolkien books; the Harry Potter saga; 'The Magnificent Seven' (1960), based on Akira Kurosawa's epic 'The Seven Samurai' (1954), and many more], The Last Airbender [hereafter called TLA] strayed from the original in many many ways.

I’ve seen at least one review that, while I agreed with on the whole, gave Shyamalan a pass for the way he absolutely destroys the pronunciation of the characters’ names. We are told Aang is instead pronounced Ung, Avatar is now Auvutar, Sokka [Sawkaw] is now SOka. Only Katara gets a pass to keep her name as it originally was.

TLA opens in the frozen wasteland that is the South Pole. Sokka and Katara are out hunting and manage to get lost in the open expanse of ice as they chase a tiger seal. All this is explained to you by the voice you soon come to recognize as Katara in her position of “Exposition in place of scene”.

As the children begin to fight over what to do next in the flat, humorless way we’ve come to expect from the show; a light in yonder ice breaks. Look tis the missing Avatar? Katara hacks Aang out of the ice and they bring him and his furry thing back to their camp.

It is at that point that the Fire Nation appears and Prince Zuko shows up to round up the elderly and check for the Avatar that he has followed from the shocking light that happened when Aang was freed from the ice. So far, mostly good.

At this juncture it is important to point out that the movie could be forgiven the small changes that have already happened. However, from here on out there is just simply no excuse.

Aang wakes up in the tent and Katara sees his tattoos. He is all business and a sad, emo youth that is in no way similar to the happy child from the show. Fire Nation guards come in to look for the elderly and drag him off when he is recognized as the Avatar.

Zuko is asked by Aang to leave the villagers in peace and they disappear into the ship. It is at this point that Grandma tells the children that he is the Avatar. Moreover, she explains about the Spirit world being the source of guidance for all things in the normal world. Only the Avatar can get into the Spirit world, and that is why the Fire Nation wants him destroyed.

Katara and Sokka then proceed to fight over if Aang is their responsibility or not and Katara has to convince Sokka to go with her on Appa to find Aang. There is no humor. There is no fun. The characters are flat and unconvincing and the whole thing practically drips of “I’m about to cut myself from sadness”.

If you watched the show, you are intimately aware that the only reason Aang has a clue how to get things done is due almost solely to Avatar Roku stepping in and helping him from the Spirit world.

Avatar Roku first appears as a statue within a shrine in the episode “The Southern Air Temple,” and Aang mentions that although he never met him, he felt a particular connection to his previous incarnation. In the episode “Avatar Roku (Winter Solstice, Part 2)”, Aang finally meets the spirit of Roku for the first time.²

However, in MNS’s version Roku just isn’t around. His dragon is the only form of Roku we are ever privileged to meet. The dragon is called the Dragon Spirit and is, out of the whole movie, the only Spirit in the spirit realm that Aang ever meets.

No doubt it will come as a shock to you that the Spirit realm in TLA is nothing more than shaky cam vision akin to Frodo putting on the Ring. There is no wonderful world of animals, snarky monkeys saying ‘ohm’, or even the Face Snatcher. No panda spirit, no past Avatars, nothing beautiful about the place at all.

As if these things are not enough to make you want to get up and walk out, MNS then decides it is time to implement movie number 2. We begin the process of jumping back and forth between the Fire Lord and his crew and Aang. Aang’s movie is highlighted by its “tell don’t show” method mixed with a healthy does of subtitles telling you where they managed to get to while we were attending movie number 1.

Movie number 1 on the other hand is a 45 vinyl that seems stuck on the same script while we see different scenes flash by. “We must find the Avatar.” “We need the Avatar.” “Find the moon and ocean spirits.” “I’ve found the moon and ocean spirits.”

I sat through this for an hour and forty some minutes and can honestly say that I talked through most of the movie. As a naturally polite sort of movie goer, this was highly unusual for me. But any guilt I had was assuaged by the fact that most of the viewers around me were just as talkative.

BrandG was quick to point out that if I didn’t try to just let it roll off of me I would get no enjoyment out of it at all, and I tried. I honestly did. But this movie is one of the worst I’ve ever sat through. And I got up and walked out of The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou³.

Some of the quotes from the movie that stuck in my mind as prime examples of the horrific writing were things like:

“We have to show them that we believe in our beliefs as much as they believe in their beliefs.” – Princess Yue, as she goes to save the Moon Spirit. Soon after her peroxide disappears and General Iro carries her to shore. Body never disappears.

“Earthbenders, there is dirt all around you. Why don’t you fight?” – Aang, as he gives Katara’s speech to the Earth benders they are trying to free from a dirt pit instead of an iron boat. Soon after they discover the water scroll and a butt load of other bending supplies in the Fire Nation’s foot locker at the same location.

“He will need you… and we all need him.” – Gran Gran, as she gives an off the wall reason why Katara and Sokka need to rescue Aang from Zoku.

“Aang: I will stop them. Dragon Spirit: I know you will try…” – a scene so unmemorable that I have no idea what they were talking about.

If you think I might be over stating the horror that is The Last Airbender, take a look at some of the quotes by well known movie critics:

“This is a film that resembles a video game in all the bad ways — Manichean premise, non-existent characterization, an obsession with dutifully explained “rules” — while still managing to miss out on the kinetic momentum of Xboxiness. If there has been a duller, more stagnant action film released this decade, I managed, thank God, to miss it.”
—Christopher Orr, The Atlantic

“The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.”
—Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

“The Last Airbender is dreadful, an incomprehensible fantasy-action epic that makes the 2007 film The Golden Compass, a similarly botched adaptation of a beloved property from another medium, look like a four-star classic…it’s a tossup as to which is worse: the script, which regularly grinds to a halt to Explain Everything until the movie curls up and dies; the shockingly dingy camerawork; or the execrable 3-D. The latter comes in two modes: barely noticeable, as if the technicians set the knob at 1.3 and went out for lunch, or actively irritating. Really, I’ve got winking-Jesus postcards that look better.”
—Ty Burr, Boston Globe

M. Night Shaymalan has really out done himself on the ‘thing’ that he has turned out. One of the more memorable movie tweets I saw said:

@nathanrabin: M. Night used to make movies. Now he makes hundred million dollar “kick me” signs.

As the movie draws to a close, the whole audience was eagerly awaiting the major battle scene. However, it soon became clear that just because Aang and Katara are doing Tai Chi moves does not mean they will be doing bending. So it starts being painfully obvious that either CGI graphics were left out, or they are both terrible benders.

Zoku makes it into the city by diving into the ocean and somehow manages to find his way inside the North Pole. No seals. No fore knowledge. Just an amazingly keen sense of direction I suppose.

However, I do want to give props to 2 actors who tried their best to make something out of a terrible script. And i09 said it so well that I’ll just sink to copy/pasting it here:

Through all of this chaos, two actors wander like lost souls, and they’re really the twin poles of this undertaking. On the one side, you have Aasif Mandvi, of The Daily Show fame, who plays Commander Zhao in exactly the same way he handles the most ridiculous crap he has to say to Jon Stewart. Every line he gets, he shouts and arches one eyebrow comically, in case you didn’t already know this was a send-up. (Anyone who’s watched Mandvi in the TV series Jericho knows he’s capable of subtlety and real emotion, so the fact that every one of his lines of dialogue in this film feels like it should be prefaced with an arch, “That’s right, Jon,” feels totally deliberate.)

And then there’s Shaun Toub, who stands out for the opposite reason: He’s an honest-to-shit actual actor, and he looks as out of place as a zebra that’s wandered into an alpaca farm. You can actually watch the realization dawn over Toub’s face that nobody else is doing any acting in this film, but he soldiers on, dedicated to his craft in spite of everything. Toub, who’s playing the uncle of Dev Patel’s tormented Prince Zuko, is the real tragic hero of this movie, as you watch him struggle to cling to his dignity as everyone around him drowns in narrative sewage. (Patel is pretty good when he’s acting opposite Toub.) It’s a weird dichotomy in this film – the film’s villains are the only Asian people in the movie, but they’re also the only ones who have any personality whatsoever.

And at the end of this monstrosity we are shown a giant wall of water as the Avatar’s first real show of strength. No Ocean spirit form. No sending the ships out to sea. Simply a wall of water as he follows the Dragon’s advice that, “the Avatar is not supposed to harm anyone. Show them the power of water.”

No ships are cut in half. Commander Zhao drowns in a bubble of water at the hands of 4 very pissed off water benders, and Katara is declared a bending master by a North Pole master who could not have been less misogynistic than a hippy on pot.

Some final thoughts before I release you from this horror. Momo is a bat thing with about 2 scenes to his name and no personality whatsoever. Appa is something close to the Never Ending Story, but without all the lovable personality with which he is monumentally endowed. Though the Air temple has Avatar statues, they never light up and are in a secret room that apparently is so secret the Fire Nation is able to ambush Aang in it by being there before him. And as a final send off, Aang and crew begin putting up posters of him to change hearts and minds.⁴

I was very disappointed by the waste of celluloid. There should have been magic. There should have been awe. Instead what we got was a movie so pathetically bad that it wasn’t even good enough to be considered “so bad it’s funny.” If it comes out on BluRay, I’ll be the person putting up little post-its saying “Surgeon Generals Warning: May cause instances of death.”

My rating: 1 out of 5.

My final opinion: Don’t see it. Stay home. Make popcorn and watch Avatar:The Last Airbender (the show) in a back to back marathon. Then burn your dvd’s of The Village in protest to the movie gods for MNS’s being allowed to perpetrate such a crime against humanity.

1. Meaning book-to-movie or show-to-movie
2. http://avatar.wikia.com/wiki/Roku
3. A horrific movie that I have yet to be able to see all the way through.
4. The fact that these were wanted posters in the TV show that they took down wherever possible never crossed MNS’s mind, I guess.

Released: 2010

Go to IMDb page

Information © IMDb.com

Shrek Forever After

Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Julie Andrews, John Cleese, Walt Dohrn, Lake Bell,

This post is a review and may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

RottenTomatoes rating: 57%

Rated: PG [See Full Rating]

Runtime: 1 hr. 34 min.

Genre: Action & Adventure, Animation,Science Fiction & Fantasy, Comedy, Kids & Family

Shrek Forever After, or Shrek 4 as some call it, is the last in the DreamWorks animated series starring the voice talent of Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Julie Andrews, John Cleese, Eddie Murphy, Antonio Banderas, and many many more.

This movie could be viewed as a stand-alone but is (as with most series) understood best in the context of its sister shows.

Shrek 4 starts out with Shrek and Fiona putting together the birthday party for their new little ones. We see the typical story of happy father slowly worn down by the same old, same old. Eventually this gives way to ennui, and that morphs into severe dissatisfaction with life as it is. Enter the villain: Rumpelstiltskin (voiced by the wonderful Walt Dohrn).

I would rate this movie as child safe and viewable by most over the age of 5 or 6. Any jokes that may not really be for children are, as in previous Shrek films, aimed solely at adults and the kiddos just don’t get them.

Shrek 4 is a wonderful romp through Far Far Away and plays well against the back drop of “what if”. Shrek is forced to come to terms with how his life would be different, or rather, how everyone else’s life would be different if he had never entered the picture. Taking a page from famed director Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life (1946), the story trails through the fact that his wife would of course have no idea who he is and therefore none of his children would be alive.

But there is more to this story than that. Shrek, for all his faults, really did make a difference in his world. He rescued the princess [Shrek 1], saved the nation from the evil Fairy Godmother and son [Shrek 2], and managed to fend off a coup de tat by the previously jilted Prince Charming [Shrek 3] all while being a good husband and father to his little brood. Now that he has taken Stiltskin’s deal of “one day the way it used to be”, he learns the price of dissatisfaction with a good thing.

Mike Mitchell, director, does a wonderful job twisting all the plot turns together and manages to add some wonderful new supporting characters. However, a major drawback to doing so is that this is the LAST movie in the series. For what it’s worth, the new characters are funny and everything we’ve come to expect from the Shrek syndicate.

Cameron Diaz, Mike Myers, et al of the previous movies reprise their roles with aplomb. I can easily say that their portrayals of older [if not necessarily wiser] characters seems natural and not at all stretched. The new comers to the cast did a wonderful job as well and fit smoothly into the fold with the old talent.

I realize this review is a bit late to the party, but if you haven’t seen it I can recommend it as a worth the money flick. It rounds out the series, ties up a few loose ends, and (while I am sad to see the series go) gives us a last farewell to characters that so many of us learned to love from our teen years.

May the ogres be plentiful and the cats with boots grow fat on the cream. They deserve it.

My rating: 4 out of 5.

My final opinion: Go see it. Take the kids.

This is butterfly #2. She¹ is next to her brothers and sisters that are still in their chrysalides. See that red stuff around her? That’s meconium.

MECONIUM²
Meconium is the red fluid that butterflies and moths eject after they leave the chrysalis. Meconium is a metabolic waste product from the pupal stage that is expelled through the anal opening of the adult butterfly. (Note: meconium is not blood.)

According to the handy little guide the Insect Lore folks sent, it is commonly mistaken for blood. However, it is basically the left over coloring that her body will not be putting into the wings. Until she’s ready, she will stay the same grey and white color as her older brother, butterfly #1.

Butterfly #1 hatched early this morning and has been sitting very quietly in the butterfly pavilion most of the day. He is slowly getting streaks of orange through his wings, but it is so faint right now that you cannot see it in any of the pictures.

In the picture to the left, you can see the underside of Butterfly #1. It is covered in a soft, downy fuzz similar to what you would see on a moth. He is a very fat little butterfly, don’t you think?

In order to keep them fat and happy, we have mixed some Sugar In The Raw with warm water. The Insect Lore people said to use a small pipette to put the sugar water on the flowers. However, the thing about plastic flowers is that they don’t absorb sugar water very well.

To get around this irritating fact, I put the sugar water on cotton balls in a small plastic dish. So the butterflies now have a small eating dish on the floor of their pavilion. Hopefully, the sugar water is appetizing. I would hate to be the first family to have butterflies go on a hunger strike.

Since we have had two butterflies hatch in just one day³, I fully expect to have a busy week of documenting and feeding. On the bright side, they don’t scream incessantly and diapers are not required.

We miss you, baby. Have fun and hurry home.

1. I have no idea if it’s a girl or boy, sweetie.
2. http://www.enchantedlearning.com/subjects/butterfly/glossary/indexm.shtml
3. Painted Ladies typically hatch in 7 to 10 days after they go into the chrysalides stage.

Amazon stats: 4.5/5 Stars based on 177 Customer Reviews

Synopsis:

Queen Victoria has a Shadow Council made up of top representatives from all supernatural species, and the Council oversees law and justice. However, when the super naturals come under attack and fingers are being pointed everywhere only Alexia Tarabotti can see both sides of the coin. But can she stop the killings before she herself ends up as victim?

Author:

Gail Carriger was one of the attendees at the recent Balticon44 convention that I attended over the Memorial Day Weekend. I had never heard of her before that, but found her to be very pleasant and knowledgeable.

Ms. Carriger is  New York Times Best-selling author for The Parasol Protectorate which is described as a Victorian-era, steam punk, urban fantasy series.

Review:

I did enjoy the book overall but found very little “steam punk” to crow about. The book had a single dirigible that played no part of the overall plot. The only real clockwork element was the main character’s parasol. And steam works only really came into play as a world-building element. The lack of more steam punk was not a crime to me, but I did find using it almost solely as world-building to be a cheap gimmick to fit the book into a popular new genre.

25-year-old, bluestocking Alexia Tarabotti is a spinster in Victorian England. Her father, deceased; her mother, remarried with two new daughters from the remarriage. Sound familiar? I saw the trope as Cinderella meets a Jane Austen novel.

My impression of the overall story was “entertaining” and even “full of action” in some parts. The humor is very Victorian, full of wit and sarcasm. While this cannot carry a story, it served Ms. Carriger very well and I found myself giggling and laughing all the way through the book.

Soulless is based on a romance novel type story arc with mystery mixed in, so do expect to come across some more risqué bits. However, it was very tastefully portrayed and to a certain extent, integral to the over-all plot.

The vampire versus werewolf [V vs. W] trope can be very over used and very badly done in most urban fantasies. While Soulless was not the best example of a well-done V vs. W, it was by no means overdone or hard to believe. The story is set in a world where the supernatural species are common knowledge to the normal’s. As such, shadow government agencies are in place to protect both the supernatural and the common.

The politics and scheming were easily understood and quite believable. However, there did seem to be a major element of the Underworld understanding of viruses and such causing the supernatural changes. While this seemed to have been done away with at the end of the book, the idea was left hanging long enough that it seemed as though the author was not quite sure herself why the super naturals existed.

The mystery aspect was definitely worth the reader’s time; but as a prolific reader of the Lord Peter Wimsey series and Hercule Poirot I found the dénouement a bit telegraphed.

Summary:

While I enjoyed the book and will probably find myself reading the rest of the series as they come out, I had some major issues with the logic and reasoning behind certain aspects. It was a fun ride through Victorian England and had enough romantic fluff to keep my brain from working too hard. Which, I’ll admit it, was a major reason I picked up the book in the first place.

I would recommend it as a lazy afternoon read; or as in my case, a good sick-day read. It is just fun enough to keep the reader engaged, and just heavy enough to be inclined to keep reading the series.

FINAL RATING: I give it 3.5 out of 5 stars.

Released: 2010

Go to IMDb page

Information © IMDb.com

The Karate Kid

Jaden Smith, Taraji P. Henson, Rongguang Yu, Zhiheng Wang, Jared Minns, Yi Zhao,

This post is a review and may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

The EP is in Kenpo as most of my Twitter readers are aware. Because she is doing so extraordinarily well, the sensei decided that she would perform at the Kenpo demonstration being done at the movie theater for the opening of Jaden Smith’s movie, The karate Kid.

She did a really good job, as always; and her reward from the Sensei was a free movie ticket to see said Karate Kid movie. Brandg and I accompanied her.

The rating is PG due to the violence inherent in such Karate-esque/Kung-fu movies. However, I don’t recall seeing any blood or gore beyond a bloody nose or a bruised knee. So for my parent readers, I think it is a fairly tame movie.

The movie has a very real or at the very least slightly grainy feel to it in parts. They are definitely going for a much more life like look and the director, Harald Zwart, succeeded admirably.

My IMDB plug-in¹ failed to mention that this movie stars the wonderfully talented Jackie Chan. It was very odd seeing him playing an ‘old guy’, but he was extremely believable even in the moments we discover the tragedy in his past.

If you are expecting to see him play ‘Mr. Miagi’, you are going to be disappointed. Chan plays maintenance man, Mr. Han, to a lodging building for foreign nationals that have moved to Beijing for work reasons.

Jaden Smith does an excellent job in this film and adds his voice to the new song “Never Say Never”². His character, Dre Parker, is a tween recently moved from Detroit due to his mother’s job transfer. He meets with all the expected challenges: new school, new friends, new life, new bullies. However, he comes off as mouthy and very pushy at the beginning.

Dre’s mother, Sherry Parker, played by the very talented Taraji P. Henson, does an admirable job of keeping house and home moving despite the loss of her husband. Her son is an overall good kid, but she deals with some real attitude struggles as he begins digging in his heels over acclimating to the move.

I think my favorite part of the mother/son dynamic in this movie was the realism. She was no pushover. And you could see that in her face. She had the “Mom” look down and was not afraid to use it. Too often in movies we see milk-sop mums that are just trying to keep the peace and make everything and everyone happy. It was so refreshing to see that real mums do get mad and that Hollywood is finally accepting the fact that family life isn’t always sweetness and light.

The writers, in their wisdom, have changed both the character names, setting, and overall storyline from The Karate Kid that you and I grew up with. There are many nods to the original however, from the fly-swatter scene [used in the trailer] to the unorthodox training methods in Mr. Han’s back yard.

Anyone familiar with the original Karate Kid will be familiar with the trope of underdog makes good. However, this film goes out of its way to make sure our hero is really beaten down before he gets his chance to fight. When the penultimate fight seen does finally take place, Smith is forced to go through a very emotional scene.

I think he did the best he could, but there was a lot missing from that particular bit of his performance which comes mainly from the fact that he is an obviously well-loved and well-cared for little boy. And boy were his parents all over this movie.

Jada Pinkett Smith (producer) and Will Smith (producer) have raised a very talented young man, and their care and concern was only part of what came through in the film. Every time Jaden had to deliver a comic line Brandg and I were looking at each other. It was like watching Will Smith as a child. And he pulled it off with aplomb.

At the end of the film, while the credits are rolling, the audience is treated to lots of behind the scenes stills. His mother and father are in almost every shot working hard to make this a success for their son. I came away with a real respect for them as parents more than actors, and would like to at this point say thank you to them for setting a real example in the film industry for how child actors should be cared for.

My overall take on this remake is that it is one of the better ones I’ve seen. I think that looking for a sequel is going to be hard to do because of how so many of the original plotlines have been asked and answered in this single film.

For a summer block-buster, I expect it do fairly well even though the IMDB rating is hovering at around 5.3. Rotten Tomatoes however has it at a whopping 70%, which is excellent. Most of the critics agree that this is not the original and as such their expectations were exceeded.

If you do go with the expectation of seeing a word for word remake, it just isn’t going to be there and you will be disappointed. If you go to see Kung-fu and a bully get his ass kicked, there is no way you will be unhappy with supporting your local theater.

My rating: 4 out of 5.

My final opinion: Go see it. Take the kids even.

1. Another post concerning Windows Live Writer fail will come out shortly.
2. Featured in the Soundtrack

My schedule, unlike previous years, is quite full this year. However, if you would like to see me on a panel my listings are below. These may be different from what is in the Con printed booklet as changes are sometimes needed. Keep an eye on my twitter feed over the weekend for any schedule changes or updates.

Panel Schedule and Information

Panel 1: Are You Sure You Want To Go There?

Writing about the darker things in life

Speakers
Duncan, Allison	Morris, Tee	Lester, Chris	Ward, Jean Marie	Fischer, Paul (coordinator)	Jennifer, Andrea

Rape. Torture. Childhood trauma. Sex with Dwarves. Sometimes it’s done for a laugh.
Sometimes it is done for an emotional response. Sometimes, we ask ourselves “What was THAT all about?!” So why not ask the pros who do it? A panel that goes into the darker side of writing, where the envelope is not only pushed but fed to the shredder. When is “shock” essential to the story, and when is it sensational? Find out if authors add in moments of terror and extreme situations in order to surprise an audience, or as an alternative to group therapy.

Schedule
Day	Friday (2010-05-28)
Room	Derby
Start time	19:00
Duration	01:00
Track	New Media

Panel 2: Being a Parent in the World of New Media and Social Networking

Transparency vs. Reality

Speakers
Prellwitz, Peter	Fischer, Paul (coordinator)	Schubert, Chooch	Duncan, Allison	MAinPA

Being a parent alone can be hard enough, but in the world of New Media and Social Networking, there are some good things out there – and some bad things. We’ll talk about the various issues that parents have to deal with regards to New Media, as both listeners and creators, what’s out there for kids, and what measures parents can go to protect their children.

Schedule
Day	Friday (2010-05-28)
Room	Derby
Start time	21:00
Duration	01:00
Track	New Media

Panel 3: Online Speculative Fiction Markets

New Media, New Markets, New Business Models

Speakers
Kimball, Eric (Drowemos)	Duncan, Allison	Sherman, Norm	Fischer, Paul (coordinator)	Reed, Nobilis	Harknell

A Review of notable genre ezines, the forms they are taking and the business models they are adopting. There was a time when the word “Google” was not ubiquitous. When bored, mopey teenagers didn’t have Myspace, and huffy, choleric left and right wingers didn’t have blogs. When people would have responded to the utterance of “Youtube,” with an angry “What’d you just call me buddy?!” It was in these prehistoric times that young speculative fiction ezines began, with their stumpy leg-like fin-structures, to emerge from fetid, shallow waters and up onto the promising shores of the internet.

After what seems like epochs later, the year is 2010, and most speculative fiction pulp magazines have died out. According to Locus Magazine (“The Magazine Of The Science Fiction & Fantasy Field”), two of the three remaining speculative fiction pulp magazines have circulations lower than 20,000. Analog, which specializes in “hard science fiction,” isn’t doing much better, with a circulation of just over 23,000. Like the readers of most newspapers, fans of the genre are flocking to the net.

There has been an enormous boom of new markets online, many of which pay professional rates to authors and have already established large and dedicated audiences. Even the form of the zine is changing– with the success of portable audio devices like the ipod, audiofiction is becoming a new favorite of scifi/fantasy/horror fans on the go. But despite all this activity, there seems to be a noticeable lack of profitability. None of these online publications even remotely compare in magnitude to the big print ancestors of the last age. How has the genre ezine structure and business model changed? Are these models and structures working?

Schedule
Day	Saturday (2010-05-29)
Room	Derby
Start time	19:00
Duration	01:00
Track	New Media

Panel 4: Why to Blog

Because a cute kitty isn’t enough

Speakers
Tabor, Dan	Fischer, Paul (coordinator)	Lively, Kathryn	Waldman, Tyler	Duncan, Allison

We all know how to blog or where to blog, but if you blog about how cute your kitten is, nobody will want to read it, no matter how cute your kitten actually is.

Our panel of long time bloggers will help you focus the goals for your blog and help you answer the ultimate question, “Why am I (blogging) here?”

Schedule
Day	Saturday (2010-05-29)
Room	Derby
Start time	20:00
Duration	01:00
Track	New Media

Reading and Signing Information

So there you have it. That is the full schedule that I have for right now. Please remember that if you are interested in GetFound Consulting and finding out how I can help with your web presence, you need to send an email to me at AllisonDuncan@getfoundconsulting.com.

I can wait no longer, so I am announcing that the site will be transferred over the weekend to the new server. The URL will of course remain the same, but the archives will not be there.

Please be prepared for a shiny new theme as well as such a major change for the site gives me a great opportunity to spice things up and give the whole site a new look.

See you on the other side!